Title: Unnamed! A PRIZE FOR SOMEOME WHO COMES UP WITH A GOOD NAME!
Author: Rachel- el_blanks77
Rating:R to NC17
Pairing: Benji/Billy (later in story) Steve/Billy, Matt/Billy, Tony/Billy and Bad Men/Billy
Summary:Majorly AU. Steve is Billys foster father, and Matt and Tony are his foster brothers. Billy gets pregnant, but doesn't know who the father is. He meets Benji, and Benji takes care of him. (AAAWW!)
OKAY! I am posting this for a few reasons,
1. I have a horrid case of writers block and need some help with it.
2. To promote my community poor_lil_billy( Collapse )
NOW ON WITH THE STORY! It's long..So far 20 pages..BUT NOT FINISHED AT ALL!
I am only posting this on here. I am in need of new inspiration for the story. I am stuck.. ENJOY!
Fifteen-year-old Billy was praying to the porcelain god. Head shoved in the toilet, vomiting out the small breakfast he had. Pushing himself away from the toilet, he wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeve-covered hand, and lies on the floor. It’s the fourth week in a row that he’s been sick in the morning.
‘Uuggh. First period is starting soon. I can’t be late- Mr. MacKaye will give me another fuckin’ detention if I’m late again. Then Steven, my foster father, will be pissed off, and trust me, you don’t want that to happen.’ I push myself off the bathroom floor and head out into the crowded hallway. All the sudden, I turn back and run towards the bathroom, swing open a stall, and throw up again. ‘Fuck, I feel like shit..How am I gonna get to class when I can’t even get up without having to throw up’ Once my stomach settles down, and long after the late bell rang, I push myself off the floor, and slowly make my way to the sink. Flipping on the tap, I wash my face and rinse out my mouth, ridding it of the nasty lingering taste of vomit.
I’m standing outside Mr.MacKay door, and bracing myself for the worst, the man has always had it out for me.
“Nice of you to join us William” he spat. “Take your seat. You have detention, again.”
All I can do is nod. The way he looks at me sometimes, it just makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come out.. I know that look; I see it in the eyes of Steven all the time. It’s the look of lust. I can feel him undressing me with his eyes. I’m just thankful that Mr.MacKay hasn’t acted on that lust yet.
“Mr. Martin, are you paying attention?”
My stomach is starting to hurt again. “Sorry Sir…I am, it’s just –“
“Then tell me, why does y = mx+b?” I look down, defeated,
“I don’t know sir..”
“See me after class William.”
“Yes sir. Sorry sir.”
I feel like bursting out in tears. I feel like I am going to throw up and I’m dizzy as hell. What the hell is wrong with me? This all just started early this month. I nearly threw up on Stevens breakfast; I got the beating of a lifetime for that little mistake. ‘Maybe I should go to the clinic after school. Oh yeah, Steven would love that. I’d get my ass beaten just for being home late.’ There goes my stomach again.
“Mr.MacKaye…can. can I go to the bathroom? I’m gonna be sick.”
I don’t even wait for an answer, I dash out of the room and run to the nearest bathroom, not noticing I ran into the ladies bathroom, and vomit for the fifth time today.
“Is someone, like, in here, or something?”
I lean over and see one of the popular cheerleaders, decked out in her cheer outfit for tonight’s game, with a Gucci bag slung over her shoulder.
“EEEWWWWW! You’re in the girls’ bathroom you know! Taking a bath in the toilet again Billy? Sure smells like you are.”
It’s Linzi, Tony’s girlfriend. If I even look at her wrong, Tony gets pissed off. ‘Ughhh, Just leave me alone. Leave me be.’
“Mr. Martin! Are you in here! Get up off that floor! You’re going to the principles office! First, you’re late! Then you have the nerve to run out of my class, and into the ladies bathroom none the less!”
“Yes sir.” I get up off the floor and wipe my hands on my sweater.
“William! This is the third time I’ve had to talk to you in two weeks! What is the god damn problem this time!” Mr. Baker slams his fist down on his desk, making me jump.
“I….I..I had to go…my stomach hurts…and..I threw up,” I’m crying now, which is just going to piss him off even more. “I will have to call your father about this, I can’t-“
“My father? Does he really need to know about this?”
“Yes William. I can’t have you coming in here every other day because you’ve disrupted your class. Why can’t you be more responsible like your brothers? You will have a week’s detention for this. Starting today. Now go back to class, and behave! I expect to not see you back in my office for awhile.” He lifts off his glasses, and rubs his eyes.
“Yes sir. You won’t see me again.” “Good.”
‘More like my brothers? They aren’t even my real family. My mom died giving birth, and my dad dropped me off at the adoption agency a week after I was born. The Lovatos’ have been hanging that over my head for years. You’re a fucking foster kid Billy. Why should we give you any gifts? You aren’t even our real kid! My birthday present for years has been getting my ass beaten, or being raped. Happy fucking birthday you whore. Christmas time was just as bad. Last year, I worked my ass off to make them their Christmas Eve dinner, and wrapping all their gifts. You know what I got? A trip to the emergency room with a broken arm from slipping downs the icy steps of our apartment complex, or so I was told to say.
“Hey Billy! Why the fuck were you in the principles office again! Dad is gonna be fucking pissed at yah’ for getting called at work to hear that you got detention. Don’t expect us to drag our asses back school just to pick yah up. Find your own fuckin’ way home.” Tony yells at me, his had risen in the air, like he’s ready to hit me. I’m pressed up against a locker, a lock digging into a fresh bruise on my back.
“Please Tone, let me go. I need to get to class!” I’m violently pushed away, my head snapping in the process.
“Get yah slutty ass to class then.”
‘Home EC! My favorite time of day! Not only am I promised the food we make, but Mr. Lazzara is the nicest teacher I have.
“Hey there Billy! How are we doing today?” he says in his normal chipper voice
“Hi Mr. Lazzara….I’m okay..I don’t feel that great” I put on my best strong act. I don’t want to displease him by being upset. I’m the first one in class, most likely, one of the only ones actually glad to be in home EC, with the exception of the few girls who took the class as a chance to flirt with the teacher.
“Ready to do some cooking Bi-“
“OOHH MR.LAZZARA!! How are you! What are we baking today!?” Marissa, the school slut, saunters in, wearing little to nothing.
“Marissa, I do believe that outfit does not fall under the schools dress code”
“Ugh. Mr. Lazzara! Isn’t his outfit not under dress code rules either! I mean, his clothes, like, smell! Isn’t there a rule in the schools book of rules about maybe, I don’t know, showering once in a while?”
I’m about to burst into tears. It’s not my fault we don’t always have water.
“Ms. Roberts! That is enough! Take your seat. I’ll deal with you later.”
“But! I didn’t do anything! I was just being honest!” he signals her to be quite.
“Take your seat Ms. Roberts. I’ve had just about enough of you today”
“Fine.” She says with an exasperated sigh. Students are piling in now, and Marissa’s’ words are still echoing in my head, and I just start to cry.
“Mr. Lazzara….c..can I go to the bathroom? I..I.”
Choking on my own tears, I try and get the rest out. He just puts his hand up again, and tells me it’s all right, and hands me a pass. Once out of the room, I practically run back to the bathroom. I should be getting used to this by now. I feel sick all day. I walk into the last stall, and sit down, and bring my knees up to my chest. Sniffling, I start to rock myself back and forth, getting sleepy. I wake up to the bell. I’m still curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor. I check the old Batman watch, which hangs, around my neck on a string. 11:15, lunchtime
I grab the scuffed blue tray and stand in line; self consciously holding my messenger back close to my stomach.
“What yah havin’ today?” a frumpy old lunch lady asks.
“That all? Then get moving. Don’t hold up the line” nodding, I quickly make my way to the checkout line. Even though I get free lunch, I still have to punch in the numbers to my lunch account. 2728. I grab a couple crackers and a spoon as I walk towards an empty table. One great thing about sitting alone at lunch is that I get a head start on homework, which is a heaven sent, because trying to do homework at home is pure hell. Tony, Matt, and Steven are always yelling at me. Demanding I do something for them.
I take my time while eating my soup, letting the warm liquid fill my stomach. I just hope it doesn’t rebel this time. I want to keep it down just incase I can’t have any dinner because of my detention, more than likely Tony will throw it away. Maybe, if I keep some crackers with me, I can eat those.
“Whatcha go there Billy? How’s the free lunch! Is that all you get?” Tony laughs, sitting next to me, eating the sushi he brought for lunch. I scoot my chair away from him; he’s making me nervous. ‘Please just leave me alone. Don’t take away my lunch, please! Just let me finish. You’d hate it anyway.’
“So, how do you plan on getting home? Remember. We aren’t going to come back just to pick you up”
“I…I know Tony.. I’m walking home” with that, he gets up and walks away to sit with his friends. I get up, throw away my lunch.
“So, Mr. Martin. What made you think you have the right to just run out of the class without permission?”
I’m sitting in detention with Mr.MacKaye. He’s looking at me with those eyes again, but this time, I’m alone with him, and it’s scaring me.
“I…I..was gonna be sick..I didn’t want to be sick on the desk.” He looks at me with disbelieving eyes.
“I’m sure you were ‘gonna be sick’” he says, mocking me. Opening my mouth, I get ready to say ‘yes I was’ but he glares at me.
“Keep quite, and keep yourself occupied for the next hour.”
“Yes sir.” This should be fun. I did all of my homework at lunch. I pull out Animal Farm, the book we are reading for English Lit. I figure I can read a few chapters ahead, and reread the earlier chapters to prepare for the quiz that’s tomorrow.
“Wake up. Detentions over. Next time, you better bring something to do. Sleeping isn’t allowed in detention.” Yawning, I get up and rub my eyes.
“Yes sir” he turns the lights off before I even get my messenger bag over my shoulder, and waits by the door. I walk fast, dying to get away from his lust filled eyes.
A cool breeze whips around me as I open the doors to the school. It’s 5:00 according to my watch, and it’s getting darker by the minute, the sky thick with heavy rain clouds, and home is five miles away. I wrap my arms around stomach trying to ease the sudden cramps. Walking is getting harder now, the cramps feel like my insides are being squeezed, twisted and turned.
The next thing I know, I’m on the sidewalk, doubled over in pain. A hand touches my back, and I flinch.
“Hey. You okay?” A male voice questions. I look up into the soft brown eyes of a young man. He’s beautiful.
“Here, let me help you up” he reaches out his hand, I grab at it, and get up slowly, not wanting to let go of his soft hands. “You had quite a fall there. Something wrong?”
“M..my stomach, cramping” I gasp.
“What’s your name? Mine’s Benji. Benji Madden” he says with a smile, putting out his hand to shake.
“Bi..Billy Martin.” “You want to go get something to eat? I was just on my way to Taco Bell, and well, you look hungry” Mmmhh. Taco Bell. I haven’t had Taco Bell in years.
His smile widens. “Good! I wanted some company” I start to smile back, and then it disappears.
“B..Benji..I don’t have any money to-“
“Don’t worry about that Billy. I can pay.” Great Billy, now he’ll want something else in return.
“Welcome to Taco Bell. What would you like today?”
“Yeah, I’ll have two bean burritos and a large Pepsi. What would you like Billy?” I bit my lip nervously.
“A soft chicken taco please”
“Just one? Make that two please. What do you want to drink?”
“Dr. Pepper please..small.”
“That will be 6.99- Out of a ten. You’re change comes to 3.01. Your order should be ready in a minute” He hands me the left over money. “Here, keep the change”
“Wh…what do you want from me?” he looks a little hurt when I said that.
“Nothing. I promise. You looked like you were hungry, and I wanted some company to eat dinner with” I look at him out of the corner of my eye, not knowing if I should believe him or not.
Suddenly I get a horrible cramp, grabbing my midsection, and bending over, leaning my forehead on the table.
“Billy, hey, you okay?” Benji stands behind me, rubbing my back. I nod.
“I’ve just been having really bad cramps lately. I think I must be getting sick or something.” Yeah, like, Benji gives a fuck if you’re sick or not. Some guys don’t even care if you’re sleeping, they’d fuck you anyways.
“Really? What’s wrong?” his voice sounds genuinely concerned.
“Cramps. Horrible cramps, and I’ve been throwing up a lot, mostly in the morning.”
“Hmm…how long has this been going on?”
“A..about a month I think”
“I know this isn’t any of my business” he says, while grabbing our order. “But, have you had sex lately? Don’t answer if you don’t feel
comfortable, because I can understand if you don’t want too”
“Well, maybe you got pregnant? I mean, it seems to be the case. You might be having morning sickness, and the cramps, well, my mom always complained about the cramps while being pregnant. Have you taken an at home test?” I shake my head
“No, I can’t afford one. I never thought I could be pregnant..” “
Well, how about after this, we go to the drug store next door and get you one?” I just nod, just letting the fact that I might be pregnant sink in.
I barely finish my first taco and I feel the urge to be sick again flare up. I jump out of my seat, sending the chair flying out from under me, and run to the bathroom. Benji’s there a minute later, kneeling next to me, rubbing my back, telling me it’s okay. I look at him sideways.
“Sorry I ruined your dinner. I’m..sorry-“
“Hush Billy. Don’t worry about it. You didn’t ruin anything” He smiles at me, a soft smile, one I haven’t seen very much during my life. It’s like he won’t demand anything of me. We wait a few minutes, till I have nothing left to throw up. Benji was by my side the whole time, rubbing my back, telling me everything is okay.
“You wanna get up now? Yeah? Come on.” He helps me up again, wrapping his arm around my lower arm, steadying me.
“Wanna go to Eddie’s Drugstore? I can pay for the test. Don’t worry about it”
“Okay…where is it?” “Right next door” he says as he pushes the door heading outside, one hand holding the door open, the other holding the doggie bag.
We walk into the dimly lit store, walking down the isles, searching for at home pregnancy tests. I walk several steps behind Benji; nervous he is going to turn on me.
“Here we go. Want to take a few, just to have a second opinion?” “Would that be okay?” he smiles and I nod.
“Yeah, come on.” He says, grabbing three different tests, and heads towards the counter.
“That will be twenty three dollars sir” SHIT! That’s a lot. Now he is defiantly going to want something back. And what if I’m not pregnant! He wasted the other eight bucks on nothing! He’ll most defiantly want something in return! Benji hands him exact change, and grabs the bag.
“Thanks sir. Have a great night” Benji says as he drags him towards the door. “You ready? Where you wanna go to take it?”
“A…eh…Taco Bells bathroom?” “Yeah, sounds like a plan”
I grab the closest stall and slam the door in Benjis’ face, instantly locking him out. Ripping open the box, I skim the instructions. I hiss in pain as I gently slide it in my piss slit, I tear up. ‘God, what if it’s positive? Who’s the father? Tony? Matt? Steven? Any of the other guys they let fuck me? What would I tell them? ‘Hey Steven, I’m pregnant. I’m giving you another mouth for you not to feed.’ Maybe, if it’s his kid, he will, seeing as he only seems to love what’s his. Benji knocks lightly on the door.
“You okay in there? It’s been a few minutes…” I gingerly take out the test, closing my eyes. I dread finding out the answer.
“Yeah, I’m okay..”
“What’s the answer?” I take a deep breath, and look down.
‘Shit’. “It’s positive.”
I’m on the floor, legs drawn to my chest, rocking back and fourth. The used test shoved in my messenger back.
“Billy, come on, it’s gonna be okay” Benji’s sitting next me. His arm around my shoulder, I turn and bury my face in his chest and start to bawl.
“Steve is gonna kill me. He-“
“Steve? Is that your boyfriend?” Sniffling I shake my head
“No…my foster father. He…. SHIT!” I scream, banging my fists on the floor. “I’m such a fuckin’ slut. I don’t even know who the father is! Shit, shit, shit, shit! He is gonna kill me”
Benji keeps a hold of me, his arms latched around neck. A hug? “Sshhh,..It’s gonna be alright. Don’t worry” his hand lowers to my back and starts rubbing circles on my back in a comforting manner. Come on, let me give you a ride home” I’m too upset to protest as he grabs my arm and leads me back outside.
“Sshh.. Billy, it will be alright. You’ll see”
He leads me back to his car, and opens the door for me. I slowly get in, and he buckles me up, and slams my door. I just keep staring out in space He starts the ignition and pulls out of the parking lot.
“Where do I go?” he asks. Then it hits me. It’s almost eight o’clock. I’m three hours late. If I go home now, and show Steven the test, he’ll be ever more furious. I start to cry again.
“No..please don’t take me home! Steven, he’ll be furious with me! Please don’t make me go home. I’ll do anything you want, just please, don’t make me go home tonight” He looks at me with a sad smile, and nods.
“Don’t worry Billy, I don't want anything from you I won’t take you home if you don’t want to go there. Want to go back to my place?”
I know this might not be the best idea, seeing as I just met Benji, but this is the safest I’ve ever felt, and he isn’t forcing anything on me, so I nod. “Great!” he says, his happy smile returning.
We drive for a while, making me nervous. Did I make the wrong decision by accepting the offer to go to his house? Am I gonna end up in a ditch somewhere? We pull into Stonecest, where the rich people live. We pull into an apartment complex, and I feel intimated by the sheer niceness of it all. He leads me up the stairs and into apartment number 1214. “Here we are! Home sweet home!” a giant boxer dog comes hurdling towards us, and pounces on Benji.
“Hey Cashie! How’s my baby boy! Yes! How are you! Yes, you cutie” Benji says, talking to ‘Cashie’ in a baby voice, I can’t help but giggle.
“This is Cash Dog, but we call him Cash.” We? Must be his girlfriend or something.
“Why don’t you take a seat on the couch while I make you a bed. Does that sound good?”
“Ye..yes.” The door opens, and I practically jump out of my skin.
“Hey Benj. I brought us home some tacos! Oh, hey. You a friend of Benjis?” What do I say to that? I just met him! Wait! This guy looks exactly like Benji! He’s just playing a joke on me!
“Oh hey Joel! This is Billy. Billy, this is my brother Joel!” Twins!
“We share this place.” Cash jumps on the couch next to me, and lays his head on my lap, looking at me with sad eyes. I lightly pet him, nervous that he will bite me. “Your room is the first one up the stairs, the one covered in posters. You wanna hang out for awhile, or head off to bed?” I get a choice? Usually it’s ‘Go to bed slut. I’m sick of seeing your face’ or ‘what the hell are you still doing up! Must want me to fuck you to help you go to sleep’ Oh that was a great night, that sure helped me get to sleep.
“I…I think I’ll go to sleep..”
“Okay..want me to come with?”
I’m lying in Benjis bed, curled up on my side, subconsciously rubbing my stomach. The cramps subsided, after Benji told me to put a bag of ice on my stomach. I feel the mattress dip as Benji and Cash join me.
“How you feeling?” rolling over so I’m face to face with Benji, I look him in the eyes and start to cry.
“What..what will I do? He’s gonna kick me out for sure. I…I’ll have nowhere to..to..go. I don’t have a job…who wants to hire a fuckin’ kid who got knocked up and doesn’t even know the who the fuckin’ father is!” Benji pulls me into this arms and I curl up into him, not caring that I just met him.
“Ssshh, Billy. Ssshh. It’s gonna be okay. If he kicks you out, you come here, okay?” I nod into his chest, his shirt wet with my tears. “Good” he says as he runs his hands thru my hair. I fall asleep with his arms around me, for once in my life, feeling protected.
“So who’s the kid Benj?” Joel asks as he shoves another burrito in his mouth.
“His name’s Billy Martin. Joel…he..he’s well, pregnant, and he doesn’t know who the father is. I was gonna give him a ride home, but he begged me not to take him.” My brother looked at me and just rolled his eyes.
“He is cute though, isn’t he? Young though. Too young, Benji”
“I know, I know. But, he just makes me want to, take care of him. Protect him, and keep him safe from things he was never safe from before.”
“I hear yah’ Benj, just be careful. Okay?” “Okay” Joel wipes his mouth and throws down the napkin,
”I need a shower, you gonna sleep where Billy is, or on the couch?”
“I’ll take the couch. See yah in the morning Joel.” “Night Benj”
I quietly creep back into my room; Billy’s curled up in a ball in the middle of my bed. He looks so peaceful when he’s sleeping, when I first helped him up, he looked like a lost puppy dog, scared of it’s mind. I change out of my pants, and slip into a pair of fleece pants that Joel gave me last year. I suddenly remember Billy was still in his clothes. I think about waking him up, but decide against it, he looks like he needs the rest. The poor kid got the shock of his life tonight. I end up sitting in a chair next to bed, legs propped up on the bed, incase he wakes up and forgets where he is.
“Night Billy” I say as I lean in to kiss his forehead.
I snap out of my sleep, and look over at Billy, who’s twisting and turning in his sleep. I hear a sob, followed by a pitiful whimper. I am at his side immediately.
“Billy..wake up Billy. It’s okay..You’re just having a bad dream.”
He wakes up slowly, his cheeks wet with tears. Billy yawns and stretches, he wipes his eyes and looks over at me.
“I had a bad dream Benj..the…the baby was born..but..he was disfigured..he had no mouth..and he hated me. Then he turned into Tony, and everyone else in school. They started yelling at me, they called me freak, a slut, and a whore. They threw stuff at me. I called for help! But no one came. Not even you”
I climb into bed next to him, and wrap my arms around him, his head is in the crook of my neck, and he’s sobbing. I start rubbing his back in an attempt to calm him down.
“Billy…Ssshh, it was just a bad dream. It’s not real; the baby will love you no matter what. If that ever was to happen, if anyone does hurt you, I’ll protect you. Don’t worry about it. I’m here”
I wait for while, but he doesn’t respond, and then I hear a light snore, and realize he feel back asleep. I gingerly move us to the middle of the bed, and put the covers over the both of us, and then I fall back to sleep.
BACK TO BILLYS POV
Moaning, I wake up and stretch. I look around, expecting to see the bare walls of my room, but instead, I see walls plastered with posters, with a few guitars hanging here and there. I panic for a minute, was I given to someone last night? Then I remember Benji and Joel, and the panic subsides.
“Hey sleepy head” Benji says as he walks through the door, his skin, dripping wet with water, a lone towel hangs on his hips. For the first time, I get a good look at him. His body is well muscled, and tattoos litter his body. I rub my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt.
“You want something for breakfast before you go to school?”
“W..what is there?”
“I can make a mean omelet. With tomatoes, and cheese, anything you want me to put on there, I can.” An omelet? I’ve always been the one who made them; I never got to eat them. They always smell really good.
“Awesome. Why don’t you take a shower while I get things ready? You can borrow some of my smaller clothes. Okay? Want me to put your clothes in the wash for now?”
Clean clothes! That would be nice for a change.
“The shower is right down the hall. The towels are in the closet in the bathroom. You’re welcome to anything in the bathroom”
Stepping out of the warm shower, I wrap the towel around my armpits, not wanting Benji or Joel to see my bruises I quickly run into Benjis room and slam the door. On his bed is a pair of Simpson boxers, along with a pair of baggy pants, a belt, and a black Dead Boys shirt. It’s all so clean, and new looking, I’m almost afraid that if I put it on, I’ll taint them, and ruin them for Benji, but seeing as the rags I call clothes are in the wash for once, I decide against not wearing them. As I though, the pants are way to big, and slip past my waist, even with the belt on. I quietly make my way downstairs. Benji is sitting on the couch watching TV and Joel is eating his breakfast. I cough in an attempt to get Benji’s attention.
“Hey Billy.” He says as he turns his head towards me. “I didn’t know what you wanted in your omelet, so I waited”
Benji made me the best breakfast I’ve ever had. A three-cheese omelet, with diced tomatoes and onions, with hash browns on the side. I dig in, practically inhaling it, then I jump up, covering my mouth, and run to the bathroom. I slam the door shut and shove my head in the toilet, dry heaving until I throw up.
“Billy? Billy can I come in?” it’s Benji, what do I say? I ruined his breakfast, and he spent all that time making me my breakfast, and I can’t even eat it! He opens the door, an open water bottle in hand.
“Here you go, wash out your mouth” he says, sitting down next to me.
“Sorry Benji..I didn’t mean to..Do-“
“Didn’t mean to what Billy? To throw up? It’s okay, it’s all a part of being, well, you know, pregnant.”
Then I remember all the events last night, especially the used pregnancy test hidden in my messenger bag.
“What time is it?”
“About 6:00. Ready for school? You feel up to it?”
“Not really. I feel sick, and really dizzy, but I need to go. Steven will be pissed if he gets another call from my school about me. Plus, I have another detention today.”
“How about after that, I pick you up and we go get some dinner? Then I can take you home? Sound okay?” Just after being with Benji for less than twenty-four hours, I’ve eaten more than I have in a week.
Smiling, I shake my head. “Yes. I’d like that”
I take a deep breath as I push open the doors to La Plata High. I’m scared as hell. ‘What if I run into Tony or Matt? They’ll want to know where I was, and what I was doing. They’ll want to take Benji away from me.’
“Billy!” Oh shit. It’s Matt. “Where the fuck where you last night? Dad’s gonna be pissed when you come home tonight! He was pissed enough when you didn’t show up! I can’t wait to see the look on his face when you show you’re scrawny ass back there.”
‘Like, I didn’t already know that. Steven is always looking for a reason to beat the shit outta me.’ “Yeah, I know, Matt.” Is all I can say. I turn around, heading towards my locker; I’m almost there, until a strong hand grips my wrist. I look over, and meet the cold eyes of Tony.
“Where the fucks were you last night? You stupid slut” He says as he drags me into the boys’ bathroom.
“Tony…I..I collapsed on my way home, but someone helped me, and I stayed with them..” I can hear my voice lower as I finish, realizing how stupid it must sound.
“What the hell is wrong with you!?” He says as he slaps me upside my head. “You’re damn lucky you aren’t dead! What the hell made you do that! Are you really that fucking dim? No wonder you’re real father gave you up. Stupid shit.” He yells, as he repeatedly slaps me upside my head.
“Tone…Please..Stop…I..I..Tony…I’m pregnant.” I say, sobbing, and he instantly stops hitting me.
“Are you shitting me? Fuck, you aren’t? How the hell do you know?”
I slowly move my hand into my messenger bag, and pull out the used pregnancy test. “I took a test..” showing him the blue positive sign.
“Shit. Come in here.” He says, leading me into a stall, where I’m reminded of the sudden urge to piss. “Sit down. Shit how the –“
“Tony..I..need ..you know..go pee.”
“Go head, I’ve seen it all before. You have nothing to hide. Whose kid is it? It’s not mine is it? Shit. I bet it is. This is great. You always fuck everything up. My fucking football scholarship is gonna be ruined because you had to go get knocked up with my kid. I’m not taking care of it you know. You have to do all that shit. It’s your fault you got knocked up.”
I knew this is how he would react, but just hearing it from him makes me burst into tears.
“I…I’m sorry for ruining it Tone.. I..I didn’t mean too –“ I drop to the floor and throw up.
“Shit. You’re nasty as fuck Billy. Can’t even make it in the fuckin’ toilet. Like to mope around in your own vomit? You like that, don’t you? Feels nice to be around trash like yourself for once, doesn’t it? Did that guy fuck you last night? Did you have to suck him off to let him stay with you? It’s about the only thing you’re good at.” Kicking me a few times, he turns around and leaves the bathroom, the pregnancy test still clutched in his hand.
“Mr. Martin, am I safe to assume you brought something to busy yourself with during detention? Or would you like me to entertain you?” Mr.MacKaye says. I wrap my arms around my stomach, feeling him undress me with my eyes.
“I brought something, I can busy myself sir.”
“Humph. I’m sure you can” he says with a sly voice, as I retreat to the back of the room. I pull out the art magazine Benji let me barrow. JUXTOPZ. I’ve always eyed this one magazine while shopping for food at Safeway, put never dared to touch it. I started getting into the article on matchbook artwork when I feel that someone is looking over my shoulder. I look up, and Mr.MacKaye is standing here, staring at me.
“Get up” he demands. Confused, but to scared to disobey, I get up. “Get on my desk.” I look around, scared. The blinds are closed, and the school is empty. Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it. I shakily sit on his desk, looking around nervously twiddling my thumbs.
“You’re so fuckin’ hot Billy. You have no idea about what you swinging that sexy ass of yours does to me. ‘Shit, I knew he would make a move on me’. He leans in and kisses me, adding his tongue and his hands fumble with my pants. I’m to scared to move, and it’s best to just let them have what they want and not say a thing. His saliva tastes like stale cigarettes, just like Tonys. He pushes me down, so I’m laying on my back, and I’ve started to cry. ‘It’s really all I am good at. That’s all everyone wants from me. Sex. I’m a fuckin’ easy lay.’ A rough, calloused finger probed my entrance.
“HA! I see I’m not the only one who wants to fuck you. Who was the lucky bastard that popped your sweet cheery?” his finger slides in. stretching me out, preparing me for what’s to come. His mouth comes to my neck, and starts to suck. I get a sudden urge to vomit, and with all my strength, I shove him off of me, and run to the trashcan, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“Times up. You’re lucky, if I didn’t have to go to dinner with the wife I’d have fucked you raw.” He says, slapping my cheek ‘playfully’. Chuckling, he winks “See you tomorrow sweetie.”
Once I’m sure he’s gone, I slowly get up and button up my pants, and make my way down the deserted hallway. I push open the doors, not really expecting to see Benji out there, but he is. Leaning up against his Lexus. I wipe away the remaining tears with my sleeve, not wanting for Benji to see me upset.
“Hey Billy! Ready for dinner?” I don’t really think I can hold anything down, but I nod, I’ve been looking forward to this all day.
“Got anything in mind? I was thinking Greek. I know a really good Greek place”
“I’ve never had Greek…”
“You’ll love it! Come on!” Smiling, he opens the passenger side of the door and shuts it once I’m inside. “How you feeling today? Anything happen?”
‘Oh yeah. I got beat up Tony, who took the pregnancy test home to show Steve who will be fucking pissed at me when I get home. My teacher tried to fuck me. SHIT! What about my baby? Did Mr.MacKaye hurt him? Don't tell him Billy. Just let us have a good time. For once don't ruin everything.'
“Just..got sick a few times. Nothing major” I hope I sounded at least somewhat believable.
The drive home was quite, save for me pointing out where to turn next. I was nervous as hell. I didn’t want Benji to see the neighbor hood I live in. I live in the slums, while he lives in the hills. I’m a piece of trash, and, he’s all class.
“Stop here. Steven will be mad if he sees me pull up in a car. Thanks for everything Benji.” I say, as I slowly get up climb out of the car. My whole body aches, and the cramping has started again, wrenching my gut. I know I’m in deep shit. I don’t want to leave the inside of this warm, comforting car.
“Call me if you ever need anything. Here’s my number” Benji says, handing me a folded sheet of notebook paper. “I’ll see you around Billy” and he drives away.
I cautiously step inside the apartment. The moment I close the door Steven is charging at me. His eyes glossed over in a drunken stupor.
“YOU FUCKING SLUT! YOU GOD DAMN MISTAKE! ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN OUR FUCKING LIVES! WE’VE DONE NOTHING BUT KEEP YOU SAFE YOU’RE WHOLE FUCKING LIFE AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US! BY GETTING FUCKING PREGNANT!”
He screams as he throws the test at me. I curl into myself in the corner of the wall, scared to death of him. He has the baseball bat now. The bat, that’s reserved only for the times when I really fuck up. His free hand grabs my hair and yanks me out of my corner as he slams the bat into my knees. I fall to the ground, cradling my stomach as to protect my baby. He slams the bat into my back. Howling in pain I try and move closer to the stairs. One, two, three, four, five times. Taking a swig of his beer, I see this as a time to crawl away.
“Yeah. Get yer slutty ass back in bed. Stupid slut can’t keep his legs closed long enough to put on a damn condom” He yells at me as I try and run up the stairs. I cry harder.
‘You’re the one that never used a damn condom! I never get a choice as to when to close my damn legs. It’s always been up to you, and Tony, and Matt, and any of the other men you sold me too. How do you think it feels to not know who the fucking father is of my unborn baby? Do you really think I want it to be from some random fucking lay?’
I crawl to my makeshift bed once in my room, curling into a ball, I hug my stomach and wonder if it’s okay. Rubbing my belly, I take the art magazine Benji gave me, looking at all the art helps calm me, and I almost fall asleep.
“Wake the fuck up slut.” Steven screams at me. “Get your whorish ass out of my fucking house. And don’t fucking even think about coming back. I’m sick of dealing with your fucking shit. You hear me. GET THE FUCK OUT” his face is bright red, his hair is going every which way. He looks like a mad scientist. I shove the magazine back into my bag, and quickly shove my clothes in as well. Grabbing my pillow I walk downstairs and leave the hellhole I called home for most of my life.
‘Shit, where do I go now? I know Benji said I could go to his place, but I know he didn’t really mean it. He didn’t think I was serious.’ I just let my feet take me wherever, and before I know it. I’m at the Taco Bell where Benji took me yesterday.
“Ma’am…c..can I barrow your phone?” I ask the plump middle-aged women behind the counter She eyes me for a minute, and I bite my lip nervously.
“Sure sweetie, go ‘round the corner to that phone over here” she says, pointing to a phone mounted on the wall.
I press the numbers to Benji’s number with shaky hands. ‘What if he rejects me? Where will I go then?’ My thoughts are interpreted when I hear a voice on the other line.
“Benji? It’s Billy. I-“
“Billy! Are you okay? Did-“
“Steven kicked me out. C..can I stay with you for a few days? I..I hate to ask..but
I have no where else to go.”
“Of course you can Billy, I told you that you could. You can stay as long as you need too. Need me to come pick you up? Where are you?”
“The Taco Bell you took me too”
“I’ll be there in a few minutes. Okay?”
“Okay “ I whisper. It’s finally sunk in that I was kicked out of the only place I’d ever called home.
I pick Billy up at the Taco Bell where we first met. He’s a complete mess, his eyes puffy and red, and his hair is standing straight up. Once I walk in, I find him curled up in a booth with a pillow and his messenger bag by his side. I slide in the booth next to him, and he instantly wraps his arms around me and buries his head in my chest, his hands clenching at my shirt
“Billy. It’s gonna be alright don’t worry. You’re gonna stay with us. Okay?” I hear a muffled thanks from him in reply. “Ready to go? Yeah?”
“Yeah….Hey Benji? Thanks for picking me up.”
“No problem Billy.”
As we walk to the car, I see Billy slowly edge closer to me, as if afraid something is going to jump out and grab him. We make it to the car safe, and I open the door for him, he looks at me as smiles sleepily. I hop in on my side and start the car, my radio blares, making Billy jump with fright. I quickly turn it off and pull out of the parking lot. Billy’s quite for the entire ride, the only way you can tell he’s there is the soft snores coming from his side of the car.
I pull into Stonecest, park, and sit for a few minutes. Just looking at Billy, taking in all his beauty. A particularly loud snore jerks me out of my thoughts. Opening the door I run to Billy’s side of the car, and quietly open his door, unbuckle him, wrap his arms around my neck, and gently pull him out of the car. He moans as my arms grab his back to support him.
“Ssshh Billy” I whisper.” Almost there, don’t worry”
I kick open the door to our apartment and walk up the stairs, Cash at my side, begging for my attention.
“Not now Cash.”
Laying Billy down on the bed, I turn around and Cash jumps on me, pushing me down on the bed. Billy moans and turns over.
“Mmmhh. Stop Tony..Please..Stop it. Stop..” Billy says as he tosses and turns in his sleep.
“Sshh Billy. It’s okay. It’s just a nightmare. Sshh” I say as I climb into bed next to him, Billy quickly scoots and lays his head on my chest and his thumb in his mouth.
I wake up to Billy running to the bathroom, and I dash to the door, thinking he is going to vomit, but he just had to pee. He opens the door rubbing his eye and looks up at me sheepishly.
“Sowwie I woke you up” he says with a yawn.
“It’s okay Billy. Come on, let’s get back to sleep. Want to change into some pajamas?” nodding we walk back to my room and he walks over to his messenger back placed by the bed and pulls out a pair of bottoms with giant strawberries on them. He unbuttons his pants and slips into the pajama bottoms. Climbing into bed, he burrows under the thick covers and nuzzles his head into the pillow, quickly falling back to sleep.
I wake up before Billy that morning; he’s curled up against me, and looking as peaceful as ever. I slowly get off the bed, as to not wake him, and make my way down the stairs. Pulling the phone off the jack, I dial the number to the Crisis Pregnancy Center to set up an ultrasound appointment for Billy. 12:00. It’s ten right now, I guess I should go wake him up and get him ready for day. Walking up the stairs, I hear a retching sound coming from the behind the bathroom door. Cash is standing by the door whining, begging for Billy to let him in. I open the door, and Cash goes scampering in, running into Billy, who’s drenched in sweat.
“Hey Billy..I made an appointment for an ultrasound. It’s at twelve, wanna take a shower and get lunch before we go?” He nods his head, quietly saying ‘yes’.
“Hey…Benji..C…can I take a bath instead?” He asks, nodding towards the bathtub.
“’Course you can Billy. This is your house now as well. You don’t need to ask if yo-“
“Will you stay with me?”
“Of course Billy.”
“Thanks” he says, with downcast eyes.
I’m sitting on the toilet, watching Billy sit in the water, his eyes still glued on the bottom of the tub. He has horrible bruises all over his bony back, and an especially nasty looking on his kneecap. Hand shaped bruises mark his hips and thighs.
“What happened there Billy? What did he do to you?” I ask, referring to the huge amount of black and blue on his back.
“T..Tony told him..that..that I was pregnant. He..he hit me with a baseball bat. G..got mad at me for getting knocked me. Called me a ‘fucking slut’. Said I tried to ruin their lives by having a kid. They didn’t keep me safe! They let random people fuck me, beat the shit outta me. That’s not keeping me safe! I have no idea whose baby it is. What am I gonna tell the baby when it’s born?” he screams. He starts violently hitting his head with his heads calling himself a stupid slut.
“Stop it Billy.” I say, as I slide on the floor grabbing his arms. “Stop it. You are not a slut at all. Don’t let him get you to believe that. I’ll keep you safe from now on. Don’t worry about it. You can tell the baby that I’m the daddy if you want.” He still has tears running his crystal blue eyes.
“Want me to wash you’re hair?” I ask, and he smiles wide and nods quickly.
“Okay. Hang on” Kneeling back, I grab a cup under the sink, and fill it with water, and pour it over his head. Grabbing the shampoo bottle of Bed Head, I squeeze a generous amount of the green gunk into the palm of my hand. As I rub it into his head, I notice how he slowly leans into my massaging hands, his eyes slightly closed.
“Keep your eyes closed” I say as I pour water over his hair, running my hands through the slick brown hair, making sure no extra soap is left behind.
“So Billy, what do you want to eat for lunch?” I ask while I massage his scalp with conditioner.
“Hmm..I..I’ve always wanted to try Steak and Shake..Tony, Matt and Steven go there a lot. I never was allowed to go. But the food always smelled so good. Can we please go there? Unless you wanted something else…”
“No. Steak and Shake sounds excellent. I’ve never been there either. Your hair is done. You done? Stand up” I command, wrapping a towel around his bony hips.
“Billy! We need to fatten you up before the baby’s here! You’re so thin!”
“N..no I’m not. I’m fat. They never let me eat because I was fat.”
“Well they are very wrong! You are very underweight! It won’t be good for the baby, or for you!” just mentioning the baby, Billy seems to agree to try and gain weight. But ‘just for the baby’ he informs me as we walk to my room.
“How about you get dressed and we can head out. You can borrow some of my clothes if you want. After the ultrasound we can go buy you some clothes. How does that sound?” Benji askes.
‘Does he mean new clothes! I’ve never gotten new clothes! It’s always been second hand clothing from the Help Center. I never got to choose what I wanted, I’d come home from school on a few Fridays every year, and I’d have a few pairs of pants and shirts waiting for me. Even though I don’t get to choose my own clothing, I treasure them, I mean, at least I have clothes, right?’
I pick out a pair of black pants, a Casualties shirt, and a giant black hoodie. All are huge on me, sagging over my slim waist. I walk over to my messenger bag, I pull out the rainbow belt, something Tony thought would be funny to get me, since I’m already known as a fag at school, which I am, but I’ve never told anyone. I grab my messenger bag, and throw it over my shoulder.
“Great! Come on, let’s get going. You know, Billy today is Saturday. There’s no school today..” he says, eyeing my messenger bag.
“Yeah,,,I know…it’s like my security blanket.” He gives me a soft smile, and collects his keys off the kitchen table.
“Welcome to Stake and Shake. Smoking or non-smoking sir? Right this way” The skinny greeter skates her way around the restaurant giving us a booth in the back. “Can I get ya’ll something to drink?”
“I’ll have a Coke and what would you like Billy?”
“A Dr. Pepper, please.”
“I’ll have those right now.”
“And here we go. A coke and a Dr. Pepper, What else can I get for you?” Our waitress says, leaning down, giving Benji a full view of her cleavage. ‘You just wish Benji would be interested in you, instead of that girl. Of course you do, he’s just acting like he likes you. Once you have the baby he’s gonna kick you out for sure.’
“Yeah, I’ll have the Deluxe Cheddar and Bacon burger, but with no onions please. I’ll also make take that with a large platter of cheese fries. What do you want Billy?”
“I’ll have the Deluxe Garden Salad please.”
Ten minutes later our food arrives, and as soon as it’s on the table, I dive in, feeling like I haven’t eaten in years.
“Slow down there Billy. You don’t want to get a belly ache do you?” Benji warns me, as he shoves his burger down this throat. I smile, thinking that maybe, just maybe Benji really does care about the baby and me.
“After the ultrasound, I have to go grocery shopping. Think you’ll be up for it?” he asks after intermediately taking bites from his burger. “You can pick all the food stuffs you want! And maybe we can even go to the bookstore and buy you some books to read?”
‘It would take forever for me to pick out what I want. I never got to pick out any food I wanted. I was to stick to the list I was given. Even if I accidentally bought the wrong thing, Steven would accuse me of trying to sneak in food that wasn’t on my diet. Then he would beat me, and lock my in the closet’ at the thought of the closet, I shudder. I’m afraid of the dark because of being locked in the closet for hours on end.
“C..can I see if I am after the ultrasound?” I ask, because I don’t want to get him mad at me, “Because I can never tell if I am gonna be feeling okay..”
“Yeah, we can do that.”
“Hello sir. Are you here to check in?” What’s the last name” the receptionist asks.
“Madden. Benji Madden, I’m singing in for Billy. Do I have to fill out any paper work?”
“Yes sir. Take these and take a seat. A nurse will inform you when it’s your turn”
Doctors’ offices have always made me nervous. I’ve never had a good experience with them. Whenever I’d go to one with a broken arm, or after I was raped to hard, they’d tell me to be more careful with my boyfriends, and to not let them push me around. I scoot closer to Benji; just the cold, uncomfortable plastic seats make me nervous. Benji wraps an arm around me and I snuggle closer to him, “I’m scared Benji.. Will the ultrasound hurt?” he starts to rub circles on my back, and assures me that it won’t hurt.
“Benji and Billy Madden” a nurse calls from behind the counter. “Come this way please..” She said in a curt manner, leading us into a bland white room with a padded table next to a machine hooked up to a monitor. I edge closer to Benji.
“Lay down on the table sir, Dr. Gibson will be here shortly.”
I hop up onto the table, and grab at Benji’s hand, lacing our fingers together. He looks down at smiles and me.
“It will be okay Billy. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
“Hello there. I’m Dr. Gibson, Are you ready to see your baby?” asks a lady in a white trench coat with her hair pulled into a tight bun. “Are you the father?”
“He=” Benji squeezes my hand.
“Yeah. I am”
“Congratulations to the both of you. Now Billy take off that shirt of yours so we can get see that baby of yours.”
“D..do I have to take off my shirt ma’am…”
“Yes Billy.” I sigh, and reluctantly take off my shirt, and Dr. Gibson gasps at the sight of my bruises.
“I certainly hope you did not do this to him Benji is it?”
“No ma’am. I would never, ever hurt Billy. His father did this to him” Did he just say he would never, ever hurt me? I hope he means it. I feel so safe with him.
“Okay. Let’s get started. I’m going to put this gel on your belly; it’s to protect you from burns from the heat of the machine. The only discomfort you should feel is a slight pressure from this right here.” She says as she squeezes a large amount of the extremely cold gel on my slightly swollen stomach. Gasping, I shudder and Benji puts his free hand in my hair, She turns on the machine, and places a warm device con my stomach, as she rolls it around an image pops up on the screen.
“That right there” she says, pointing to a black and gray blob on the screen, “Is your baby. You are seven weeks along, and the baby is developing wonderfully so far. There is no need to worry.” She hits a button and my baby’s photo prints out.
“I suggest you keep Billy away from his father, if he is in fact, the one doing this to him” Dr. Gibson warns Benji, I have a feeling she doesn’t believe him. “You should come back every month just to check on the baby.”
“We’ll be back ma’am” Benji says as he grabs my shirt and helps me put it back on. “Ready Billy?” Nodding, I hop off the table and take Benjis hand into mine again, lacing our fingers together. He looks over at me and smiles, bringing me in for a hug. “Feeling up for a trip to Safeway?” Benji and I are walking hand in hand out the door and into the parking lot. I’m expecting him to pull away, but he doesn’t, he just squeezes my hand tighter.
“Yeah. I think I can manage.”
Once at Safeway, I grab a cart, and head on my normal route throughout the store, but Benji stops me.
“Whoa there Billy. Why don’t you let me do the pushing, you can decide what we need. I don’t want you to stress your body too much with unneeded activity. Do you like pizza? Grab two of them.” I throw two pizzas in the cart, and instantly grab my belly, and meow in pain.
“Billy! Billy are you okay? Your belly cramping again? Want me to take you home? No? You sure?” I don’t want Benji to have to stop just because of me, even though I’m cramping horribly. “Why don’t I get a cart where you can sit down? That might be better?” He doesn’t even wait for me to answer, he steers me towards the front of the store, and practically shoves me into a seated cart. “There. Better!” I smile as he places his hand on my shoulder, gives me a squeeze and pushes me around the store.
Benji’s in the kitchen now, making ramen noodles with garlic chicken. It smells delicious, the scent lifting me off my feet, and dragging me towards the kitchen.
“And what do you think you are doing mister! I said to stay off your feet!” Benji says, his hands on his hips.
“When’s dinner Benny?” I ask, yawning. “’Cos I’m tired, and hungry. I don’t want to fall asleep and ruin dinner” Benji comes up, and wraps his arms around me. I snuggle into them, loving the feeling of his arms around me. He mumbles something about how I can never ruin dinner, and then lets go of me, not before giving me a kiss on my forehead, and grabs the spatula and fishes out the chicken from the pan.
“What piece do you want hun?” he asks. I point to the smallest piece, leaving Benji and Joel the bigger ones. “And how much ramen, my dear” he says, giving me a smile as he bows, holding out my plate, piled high with ramen. Taking the plate, I slide into my seat, right next to Benjis’. We eat in silence, except for the constant begging of Cash, whose head lays in my lap. Joel comes barging in with a girl I’ve only seen in the pictures on the fridge and on Joel’s nightstand.
“Hey Benj. Billy, this is my girlfriend Hillary. Hillary, Billy” Joel says. Hillary reminds me of Linzi- a complete bitch. She sneers at me as I whisper out a ‘hi’. Joel walks off to the bathroom, leaving us with Hillary.
“So Joely, what’s for dinner?“ Hillary asks, leaning against the table, letting her low cut shirt show off her breasts. “Or maybe” she licks her lips, lowering her voice “I should ask Benji”
Benji leans in, I turn away, not wanting to see him kiss her. “Hillary. I’m gay” he says. “You have no chance. I don’t understand what Joel sees in you” She takes offense to this, and turns to me.
“So you’d rather be with trash like this kid, instead of me? Like ‘em really young Benj? Am I not young enough?” She puts her hands upon her hips, and turns around, her shirt skirt twirling around with her, and storms off to Joels bedroom. My eyes water, it’s true. I am trash. Benji deserves better than me, not that I had a chance to begin with. With that, I jump out of my chair, and run up the stairs to Benji’s room.
I fling myself on the bed, burrowing my head into the pillows, and start to bawl. A hand touches my shoulder, peeking over my shoulder, I see Benji, with a concerned look on his face.
“What’s wrong babe?”
“She’s right. I am trash. I should just go back home even-“
“Billy, you already are home, and you aren’t trash at all! Don’t let that slut tell you different. She’s the one that’s trash.” He climbs on his bed next to me, and pulls me into his arms. I nuzzle my face into his shoulder, and keep on crying. Benji just rubs my back in a comforting motion and keeps repeating that I’m not trash, and not to listen to her. I finally get myself to stop crying, not wanting Benji to get mad at me. I sniffle and look up at him, his brown eyes meet mine, and he smiles, and leans down to kiss my forehead.
“Better now? Good. How about we watch the Simpsons?”
ENJOY! Anyway, if you have any ideas etc, leave a comment or contact me vai AIM on: automaticrose